Sometimes you have to focus on those things that make the most difference in the world. This is a story about love (and I totally lifted that last line from Moulin Rouge). I have had an extended period off work to spend with visiting family. This gives one time to reflect. My whole world has changed and continues to be in flux as new normal sets in and sometimes morphs again. At this point it seems prudent to remind you that I have no idea what I am doing in this pageant we call life. No one does. We are all pretending we have a map when really we are just feeling our way through.
of shit or on really good acid.
Jeez dude. Why so dark? Stay with me here, this isn’t intended to be dark. Quite the opposite in fact. This is talking about an absolute love. Not just the romantic one that gives us butterflies or has us fooling around in the dark. This is talking about the love that makes you realize some things are more important than our selfish wants. The wants can make us stay in situations where we feel stifled or cannot grow. But we are afraid to work without a net. We don’t want to be alone (God forbid we have to listen to our own thoughts….just kidding, there is always tiktok).
This is the love where we give up things so that they may have the space to grow or we space ourselves so we don’t stifle. And this love can hurt like hell. But it is still borne of that part of us that wants to give. It is a part of us that cares. The tears we shed with this love are heavier I think. I swear they feel like they have led in them except they also come out in such large quantities.
I really thought I would just want to run from love right now. Little did I know it was still there but it was wearing its hair differently. The courage to change the love you are living to make everyone better than they were is really goddamned hard. It feels like grieving. Maybe it is. But it doesn’t go away. In this hack writer’s opinion, it takes a level of courage most cannot even comprehend. I was so afraid. And I produced these tears by the gallon.
I have cried them until I was sure I was dehydrated.
If you love someone, set them free. If you cannot be the lovers you should be together, then do it apart. What is meant to be will be. I’m not a fatalist but I do believe life has a way of working itself out. Especially if we have the courage to do the work. I’ve known more courage in the last 2 years than I have known the rest of my life. And the last 8 weeks have been like concentrate. But fuck it. This is a flex and I have earned it. Tonight I am writing a story about love. This life is too beautiful to circumnavigate without love.
Care for those around you. Carry each other when we can’t carry ourselves. Prop each other up. Tonight I am free of anger and am enjoying a beautiful calm. It won’t last forever but I am going to bask in it while I can.
And if you are reading this, I probably love you.
Beta Testing Adulthood 