What the Hell are we Doing?

It feels like our society is going in the wrong direction when it comes to communication and intimacy. Virtually everyone above the age of 13 has a powerful personal computer in their possession at all times and it is connected to the whole of humanity’s stored knowledge and history. This tiny computer known as a smartphone is like having an escape hatch on us at all times. Bored? Read the news or hop on social media to see what is happening right now. Angry? Take this assessment to find out if your anger is cyclical, impulsive, or indicative of some broader psychiatric ill. Happy? Log onto Twitter to tell everyone about it. Being a good parent? Lament your accomplishment to your closest 500+ friends on Facebook. Unsatisfied professionally? LinkedIn and Glassdoor are here to help you find out what 50 jobs you may be qualified for and that are currently hiring. Unsatisfied in your relationship? Ashley Madison is ready to find you someone to bang without the pesky work involved in direct social interaction or accountability. Hungry? Hit up the Google so it can tell you precisely what restaurants are near you that others have said don’t suck.

The list is endless. The problem is, the relationships formed in these mediums are hollow and cause us to forgo any true adventure or communication. We can accomplish anything you want in seconds, provided you don’t want to have real human connection, intimacy, or bravery. By staring into the magic light box in our hand, we now all have ADHD and have to force ourselves to converse with one another or place ourselves in difficult situations. We can just escape. We can run from our challenges and do whatever we want either in simulation or reality. And we are teaching every upcoming generation the same thing.

Hell, some people now avoid talk therapy in favor of doing telesessions even when that therapy is locally available! It has become so damned inconvenient to go outside or to work for things in our daily lives we are letting this box lead us everywhere. It tells us when to show up, who will be there, what to do, where to eat, what to feel, and how we can tell the world about it. I don’t know if that scares you. You may be reading this on one of those magic light boxes (chances are you are doing so).

It scares the living hell out of me.

Mine is the last generation that remembers a time before all the power of the internet. Millennials will be the last generation to remember a time before iPads and smartphones. And today I see the ease with which we are willing to sacrifice our souls to it. We have accepted efficiency in trade for human connection. We welcome Lean Transformation at the expense of jobs. We accept online dating bartering the hard work of finding a mate in person or not having the “perfect match.”

And why does this scare me? Because I am getting a degree the curriculum for which is made of YouTube videos and blog reading. Sure the professor has some PowerPoint presentations and occasionally we are graced with a text. But the price hasn’t gone down. You’re not paying for the information, you’re paying for the paper the diploma is printed on. You are buying your ticket to the next socioeconomic class and you should be able to pay it off in 10-25 years if you are thrifty and don’t want to own much in the meantime. Of course, if you are from wealth then the road is much smoother.

It scares me because you can develop relationships that seem very real but are really just calendar appointments to fill the voids while ignoring those around you that are flesh and bone.

It scares me because we have forgotten how to talk to one another. We just keep going faster and faster. We jump from one job to another, one relationship to another, one group of friends to another without looking inward. Mindfulness and introspection now have to be taught. We can’t see the forest for the trees; but this is mostly due to the trees being replaced by cell towers so we can chase Pokemon through the woods and further indoctrinate our kids.

So I am going to try to fix this for me. I can’t influence others’ decisions but I can damn well try for myself. I can put the damn phone in my pocket or leave it on my dresser while I interact with my family. I can say hi to the neighbors by spending more time outside rather than just texting them. I can turn off notifications on social media and set parameters so I only use this option sparingly. I can disconnect notifications to my smartwatch (I actually use this to track my health but have fallen prey to the allure of notifications on it too). And I can keep the eLivestock of others who choose to live their lives right where they should be; not impacting my life.

Stop worrying about what is next and focus on what is now. Stop planning every Goddamned thing and talk to each other.

I’d hate to shuffle off the mortal coil looking back at my life as a series of answered emails, half-assed Kik conversations, accepted temptations in targeted marketing (screw you Facebook advertisers and your shoe ads you know I love), and time spent looking anywhere but at my life. That is not who I want to be. I hope that is not who I am or was. But I fear in many ways it is. It needs to stop. I need to stop it. I accept that I have ADHD (and have all my life) but feeding the beast only makes it fatter. And I would rather feel.

You would not be out of line to smirk at this post and chuckle that I posted it online. But I am typing it on my computer while avoiding homework I need to finish. I’m going to avoid the smartphone. My work won’t allow me much distance but I am going to take what I can. It is the right thing for me to do for me and mine. I am a bit old-fashioned…and I am okay with that.